Had a lie-in this morning before going to the gym. I spent so long in the jacuzzi that I started to feel a bit sea-sick! But it was worth it because it’s so relaxing and calming. Then it was into town to do a bit of shopping. I got the bus into town since Dublin is such a nightmare for parking these days.

I pressed the button at the traffic lights to cross the road to get the bus stop. Normally there’s an interminable wait for the bus drivers to finish their tea and drive their buses. But today, the lights changed just in time to stop an approaching bus so I had an easy stroll to the bus. Once in town, I found another art of asbestos sticker on Fade street. It’s a bit blurry because I used my camera phone but it reads, I’ve lost my English-Japanese dictionary. Now finding it hard to buy cheap whiskey in Tokyo. If you find it mail me at…’

First stop was Conn’s Camera Shop to buy a new monopod for my camera. I’m really growing fond of the place because of the pleasant staff and the keen prices. And they always have what I want in stock (hello Berminghams!!). A short stroll brought me to the bookshop and, hallelujah, the new Lee Child (Jack Reacher) book, Bad Luck and Trouble, was in stock. I also bought Niall McCullough’s tome, ‘Dublin, an Urban History: The plan of the city‘. The latter one could be heavy going but there’s lots of pictures so that’s alright!

On the way home, I decided to do something vaguely healthy so I got off the bus a couple of stops before I needed to. The bright idea was to walk that little bit extra so I could call it exercise. Of course, that all went out the window when I spotted a man walking out of a shop with a 99 ice-cream. It’s a bit like admitting an addiction but I had to get an ice-cream as well. Ice-cream before noon – what would the neighbours say if they found out!

Once home, I bought new CD’s by Maria McKee and Wilco from CDwow.ie. I don’t know why anyone would buy music from High St shops anymore. They were €12 each on the internet. Some wag will surely point out that Maria McKee isn’t worth a penny but €12 is a big saving over the sticker price in shops.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended an exhibition by Kilkenny-based William Watson in Dungarvan’s Old Market House Arts Centre and put a deposit on one of his paintings. He co-exhibited with his father (Tom) because William couldn’t come up with enough work in time for the exhibition. Artists are such a temperamental bunch. Still, I get to collect it this Friday and I hope I still like it!

Finally, I get to go to the pub tonight to watch a football match. Liverpool are playing in some final in Greece. I think they beat the same opponents in the same competition a couple of years ago and tonight is revenge-time. It was kinda funny when they won the last final because Liverpool could say they were European Champions (just like the English rugby team claiming to be the World Champions a few years ago) and, since then, they’ve lost loads of matches. Still, I get to go the pub, yippee!!

Seeing as how well my day has gone so far, I bought a lotto ticket because there’s a big jackpot tonight.

Today could end up being a very good day indeed! A very good day indeed.

In the letter, Bank of Ireland wrote:

‘The Bank is concerned that your ATM/Laser card details may have been compromised, and we wish to replace your card as a precaution‘.

It’s almost cliched to say it but there was a large sum (to me) of money resting in my account. I got my new cards today so the panic is over.

I must say the bank handled it quite well. They wrote to me with their concerns and included a contact number if I wanted further information. I rang the number and the cynic in me smiled when I got an answer machine. I left my contact details and they did actually phone me back within 20 mins. Apparently, there was a possible skimming scam in the College Green area and my name/bank details were on the list of potential victims. The bank wanted to replace my card to ‘break the chain’. She wouldn’t tell me if it was a cash machine or shop that had been compromised, which is understandable.

The weird thing is that I’ve never used a cash machine around College Green because of the risk of tampered machines (!) and I generally don’t use my laser card. I normally use ATM machines in shops because I believe they’d be harder to interfere with? I’m now wondering if I’m right or wrong in that assumption?

Still, kudos to Bank of Ireland. As promised, my new PIN number arrived yesterday and my new card was in my branch today. I wonder why I haven’t heard much about it the media though?

Co-incidently, two Southerners were arrested in the North for an alleged skimming incident. I love the phrase that breakingnews.ie used –

The pair…were being held on suspicion of going equipped for theft

P.S. I didn’t lose any money.

I knew there was no turning back when those words came out of my mouth.

‘That depends‘, she replied, ‘the more you spend, the higher up I can get you‘.

I have set up my own company and have been trying to get everything organised for next week’s grand opening, i.e., an ad on the back page of the Irish Times! Ads on the back page of the Irish Times are priced according to how many centimetres of space they take up. I was quite confused about this and wondered why they couldn’t charge it per word or per sentence?

Maybe it’s to avoid that old joke about the farmer who phones his local newspaper to place an ad announcing his wife’s death. He’s told it’s €100 for 10 words so he dictates, ‘Mary’s dead. Funeral Saturday. No Flowers‘. The ad lady says he’s got 4 words left so did he want to add anything extra? ‘Ok‘, he says,’Put in ‘nice car for sale‘.’

Anyway, it cost me €250 for one day for about 4 short sentences and I hope it works. I wish I could pretend to be posh like those medical doctors and lawyers announcing on the back page that they’ve relocated to new premises etc. To be honest, it’s simply that their readers are in the demographics I’m targeting.

Dealing with all the advertising types has been a bit draining. Ironically, the cheaper parts of the advertising have been the least painful.

Any of you who’ve dealt with the Golden Pages (Yellow Pages) will know what a pain they are to deal with. I met with their sales rep a couple of weeks ago and I brought a picture with me of what I wanted. A PICTURE. Looking at the picture, he didn’t forsee any problems and gave me his ‘best rate‘. Funny how they never show you the rate card, isn’t it! I didn’t want to pay him upfront because (a) I used to work there and knew that clients ‘occasionally’ accused the sales team of lying and misrepresenting them and (b) I wanted to see the proofs and evaluate what I was paying for. Cue a sharp intake of breath and a rueful look as he told me that I, as a new customer, had to pay upfront. Also, I wouldn’t get to see the proofs so there was no need to worry!

What could I do but pay him? Golden Pages have about 95% market share while their only competitor has the remaining 5%. Sigh.

A couple of days later, they did send me the proofs and they were wrong. A honest mistake, I thought to myself. So I faxed back the corrections with ‘THE PICTURE’ that I’d shown to the rep earlier the previous week. After another delay, the rep phoned me to tell me that I couldn’t have what I wanted. I had a short discussion with him where I ranted and he listened. Eventually, I ran out of breath and hung up on him. Considering how much it cost me, I better get some business out of it or I’ll be calling out the voodoo dolls on him.

Things got a bit surreal when, shortly after my initial deal with Golden Pages, I got a call from Eircom business listings on my mobile (cell phone). He explained (sorta) who he was. I was stuck in traffic so I played along even though I knew he would eventually try to sell me some advertising. He asked for the usual – name, address etc…

‘I gave all this to the Golden Pages guy; why don’t you get it from him?’.
‘That information is confidential, sir, I have no access to it’.
‘How did you get my mobile number then?’
‘Err, ahh, err, well even though I work for Eircom, I also work for Golden Pages. It’s very complicated’.
‘Hmmm, ok’.

Then he asked what sort of business was I?

‘Widgets’.
‘Yes, but what sort of widgets? Who’s your market – industrial, commercial, domestic, etc?’
‘Anyone who’ll give me money for them’.
‘Err, ok’.

THEN, he finally got around to selling me advertising. I said I wasn’t interested as I’d already booked an ad in the Golden Pages. He tried to argue that people looking for a Widget-Maker, for example, would look up ‘L’ in the phone book and find me, Liam, the Widget-maker, there?? Then, it was ‘How would people find me a second time‘?

Err, in each instance, they’d go to the Widget-maker section in the Golden Pages and find me there.

He was a game fellow, though, and his final argument was, ‘didn’t I want to be in the phone book?‘ I said, ‘I will be as I get a free listing anyway‘. He knew he’d lost, so he wished me luck and hung up. I hope he meant it!

The cheapest, easiest and most pleasant part of the advertising lark was the logo design and production of business cards. I used Reads of Nassau St. The shop itself is a bit chaotic and overrun as the ‘general public’ use it for photocopying etc. The main problem is there’s 3 or 4 entrances and no central reception. It’s one of those places where you grap a staff member as they pass and don’t let go of them until you’re sorted.

Eventually, Mark, a graphic designer, came to the rescue. It was a very pleasant hour as we swopped ideas and so on. I think Mark is going freelance soon so if you need any type of graphic artwork done, get there fast and tap into his brain. I was in and out with my business cards in about 90mins. That’s good going for two mildly hung-over guys on a Saturday morning.

So, on the way home, I saw the excellent ‘come-on’ in a bookie’s window:

Bet €10, Win €330

The small print read:

…but only if Ireland beat Slovakia 3-2.

I rang the ‘one who knows‘ about football and gambling and his sage advice was that both teams were ‘shite‘ and ‘pigs would fly‘ before either team could score 2, let alone 3 goals, against any opposition. I took the bet anyway because, if nothing else, I’m an greedy optimist.

Being an optimist, I went for a pint in my local pub to spend my winnings before the match. There’s no way I’d spend good money on beer actually watching the match. One of the barstaff is Polish and she’s very good at her job. However, the regulars are convinced she’s Portuguese but she’s adamant she’s Polish. Sometimes it’s like a pantomime in there – “Oh yes, you are!” “Oh no, I’m not.”

Anyway, an English guy ordered a lager with lime (cordial). She misunderstood him to mean lager with lemonade. He got a bit annoyed at the mistake and mildly shouted, ‘I wanted a lager with lime. The lime comes out of a bottle‘. She got a bit flustered and started muttering under her breath as she re-made his order. I tried to comfort her by making the joke, ‘Bloody foreigners, eh!‘, as I indicated towards the English guy. I thought it was funny/ironic but I’m not sure it was received that way. Oops.

Well, just to update the situation…

– They never did reply to a voice mail I left on their telephone system.

– I’ve received my new credit card bill and they’ve put some information in with the bill. Some blank cheques, of course, and they’ve also pre-approved me for a loan in excess of €20,000!

Now if isadub has been a naughty boy who won’t pay his bills, why encourage me to get deeper into debt? The words, ‘Left hand’ and ‘Right hand’ spring to mind!

Muppets!

I did feel a tiny bit of guilt because 33 cent could probably buy you a bundle of tinsel. So I used their 1800 freefone number listed on the letter to settle my account with a laser (debit) card. The letter said their office was open Saturdays so I phoned them on Saturday, 23 December. Unfortunately, I got a recorded message that said:

The office is closed…
Then another recorded voice said…
The office is open Mon-Fri…and Saturday
WTF!

I paid off the balance shortly after Christmas using my internet bank account but they probably didn’t get their money until 28th Dec. I’ve been away for a few days, and with An Post’s excellent delivery service, I got home today to find another letter from MBNA. Once again, they’re calling me names but that’s ok.

What’s not ok is the date on the letter. The letter was dated 25th December. Yeah, that’s right…Christmas Day.

Thank you, MBNA, for demanding money off me on Christmas Day yet inviting me to call you if I couldn’t pay the bill. Were you open Christmas Day to take my phone call of misery and financial despair? I don’t think so. Yet, in an inspired stroke of marketing genius, you keep sending me blank cheques to spend, spend, spend. Didn’t one of your marketing graduates not think this Christmas Day letter wasn’t just the slightest bit offensive? No doubt you were out spending your Christmas bonus in Carrick-on-Shannon!

Or maybe, just maybe, MBNA are trying to rebrand themselves as a charity. That’s it…give all your money to MBNA because they’re hard up and they could do with a dig-out.

That’s it! MBNA = Moneyed B**stards with No Altruism. The ‘w‘ could also stand for another word that rhymes with bankers.

Television
I think I’ve mentioned before that I don’t watch much television but, on Tuesday, the Discovery channel had almost a whole day of the American Chopper show. On this show, the company, Orange County Choppers, build a customised motorbike for their client. All the shows follow the same format. The client is introduced and the designers mock him (and it’s always a him). Then they start building the bike and, half-way through the build, the owner (Senior) and the owner’s son (Junior – I’m serious) fight for awhile over whether the bike should have pointy bits or not-so-pointy bits. Meanwhile, some part for the bike is delayed. Finally it arrives and the bike is built just in time to enormous applause for all concerned. Yippee! The shows were mind-numbingly hypnotic and it was brilliant.

To be honest, the best bits were the ads. Because Discovery is not regulated by anyone (?), they can show as many ads as they want. And believe me, they did! But it did allow me to channel hop and see what was on the other stations. I felt a sense of accomplishment for this multi-tasking and it slightly negated the guilt I felt for watching so much crappy TV.

It didn’t negate the guilt completely so I read a few throw-away thrillers. You know the sort, they’re usually 3 for 2 in your local bookshop and the lone, grumpy hero is dragged into something horrific or mysterious but he rises to the task and uses all his skills and contacts (Ed – thought he was a loner?) to save the day. I can usually read these books pretty fast because the writing is so cliched. It usually takes the author a paragraph or two three to say that it’s cloudy, or sunny, or a bit of both. So I usually just let my brain process the broad outlines of the book and concentrate only when there’s something happening or being said.

Books
The three books I read were Echo Park by Michael Connelly, Red Tide by G.M. Ford and Never Go Back by Robert Goddard.

In reverse order, I was very let down by Goddard‘s book. Parts of it were set in Swindon, for god’s sake. It was quite cliched and a bit Dad’s army. There was a cast of thousands who were given real names and nicknames. Goddard used them interchangably and it was hard to tell the characters apart. And because the story was so awful, it wasn’t worth the effort to try and remember everyone. Briefly, the story was that, 50 years ago, 15 young servicemen were sent to a remote Scottish castle for three months for an academic experiment in learning. The book starts with the run-up to the 50 year reunion which is to be held in the same venue (now a hotel). Soon, members of the group start dying in mysterious circumstances. The page-turner idea is ‘What really happened 50 years ago in that remote Scottish castle? Only Ossie (Harry) and Chipchase (Barry) can save the day!

The fact that the group members were approaching 70 years of age is the fatal flaw in this book. I won’t spoil the plot but why didn’t the killer(s) just bid their time and let them die natural deaths? It’s incredible that the Goddard has published over 15 books for Corgi, the publishers. And he’s a beardie!

Red Tide by G.M. Forde wasn’t as bad but barely passed into the ‘entertaining’ category. Frank Corso, the grumpy loner with the mysterious past, has to save the day when a biological disaster threatens Seattle. The science in it is laughable so I won’t dwell on it. In another scene, he sends the heroine home in a taxi and pre-pays the driver with a $100 bill. The fare turns out to be about $6 so the heroine uses the $96 balance to force the cab driver to follow a mysterious van. Here’s a random passage from the book. By random, I mean I opened a random page and picked the best passage I could see on those two pages.

And unless I’m mistaken, the good Dr Stafford looked pretty much scared shitless when she wheeled out of here.”

Dean and Sykes were momentarily taken aback. Neither could remember Harry Dobson ever having used profanity before, just as neither had ever heard the undercurrent of bitterness which had worked its way into his tone.

At least, this (goatee) author has only published 4 books before, although he has another coming out in 2007.

Despite Connelly sporting a beard, I can heartily recommend Michael Connelly’s Echo Park. It’s part of the Harry Bosch series of murder mystery books. In this series, Bosch is a grumpy loner who doesn’t have many friends or contacts. He has several psychological problems/hang-ups and nobody really likes or dislikes him. He doesn’t shoot people or beat them up. He just uses his brain as a detective should. In other words, he’s a believeable character.

In Echo Park, an un-solved murder that has haunted him for years could potentially be solved when fellow officers arrest a serial killer for other murders. How all these murders are connected and how they’re solved is the basis of this book. Here’s a random passage from the book. Bosch is interviewing the serial killer about his unsolved case. The serial killer has just described what he did to Bosch’s victim.

Bosch stared at [the serial killer] but couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth. It was moments like these that made him feel inadequate as a detective, moments when he was cowed by the depravity that was possible in the human form. They stared at each other until [another detective] spoke.

Shopping
Christmas was good to me and I got loads of very nice, thoughtful presents. Best is probably not the right word but the best present I got was ‘The Irish Times Book of the 1916 Rising‘ (amazon). It’s a first edition in mint condition and signed by both authors. As far as I know, the authors didn’t do any signings so I am privileged to have a book signed by both of them. The blurb describes the book thus:

Using contemporary diaries and recently released eye-witness testimonies [the authors] tell the story of a tumultuous week through the voices of the men and women who fought on each side, and of a population caught up in days of violence, looting and wild rumour. Reasserting the event as first and foremost a human drama…[the book] adds up to the most comprehensive and accessible account of Easter Week in print.

But there were still some things that only I could buy for myself. Plus, as a good capitalist, I wanted to see if there were any bargains in the sales!

For example, if my knees are up to it, I still aim to run the Dublin marathon in Oct 2007 so I needed to upgrade my runners now that I’m doing more and more running. I’m having trouble running on non-grass surfaces at the moment. I also (ahem) needed to buy a tripod for my camera. I got both, thank you very much, at decent prices.

Town was just mental. I wonder if people are buying things they actually want or are they just buying it because it’s €10 cheaper than it was last week? To be honest, I got caught up in the mood a little bit. I didn’t succumb to temptation but I spent about 3 hours wandering Dublin looking for something to buy. Thankfully, I didn’t buy anything I didn’t actually need but I was sorely tempted.

The saddest moment for me occured when I looked in the window of Maplins gadget store. They were selling a large remote-controlled toy car for €25. In fact, they were selling two of them. ‘Eureka‘, I thought, ‘I’ll buy both of them. One for me and one for my brother‘. My (married) brother lives in a rural area on a acre of land so we could play ‘cops and robbers‘ with the toy cars when I visited him! It made perfect sense until a passerby bumped into me and brought me back to reality. Reality being my brother is married!

Reality, and a sense of shame, drove me into Marks and Spencers. ‘I’ll buy something sensible‘, I reasoned, ‘and that’ll make the day worthwhile‘. M&S had different ideas, though. If the cut of their suits fit, it’s considered a good place to buy a suit because you can buy the jacket and two pairs of trousers at the same time. In theory, your suit should last twice as long. The only problem was that the suits that were on sale didn’t have any trousers while those that were not on sale wanted €100 for the trousers. €100 for a pair of M&S trousers! I don’t think so.

I think my negative brain waves must have set off some M&S sensors because the escalators were disabled when I tried to leave. Luckily, in typical M&S fashion, they disabled the escalators going up rather than those going down! A lucky escape for me.

And that’s why my feet hurt. I spent a fruitless day trapsing around Dublin trying to spend money but to no avail. I’m lucky the traders didn’t set the police on me.

Photo taken today on Henry Street. I know the sign behind the Garda says ‘Mary St’ but as far as I’m concerned it’s Henry Street. OK?

Well, tonight the drip drip noise has graduated to a bulge in the ceiling. I couldn’t ignore the visual evidence so I clambered into the attic to ‘ave a look. Damn. There’s actually five spots where the rain has gotten through! And some of the trusses look suspiciously damp as well where they join the wall. I even found a snail living up there. Bastard’s probably sitting pretty. Only my supremely high vegetarian principles prevented me from drowning him in the water tank up there.

And there’s an international football match on tonight in Lansdowne Rd so there’s no chance of getting an emergency roofer out. Ireland are only playing Malta in a friendly (I think) but it’s the last game ever in Lansdowne Road stadium so no roofer is going to miss that. Especially when it’s raining.

And I’ve got to go to Northern Ireland tomorrow so it won’t get fixed tomorrow either. And I going away for the weekend so I’m not sure if I’ll come home to a house?

Even worse, I bought a lotto ticket today. I may as well rip it up now. I should eat it as it’s fibre content is probably more valuable to me now.

Still, on the positive side, they say bad things happen in three’s. So worthless lotto ticket, leaky roof and visit Northern Ireland (driving in inclement weather) counts as three. Maybe I’ll win the €170M Euro Millions jackpot on Friday. Now there’s a thought! hehe.

Maybe I’ll buy a new car after I’ve won?

Or a boat so big it won’t fit into it’s berth properly!

One of the tags for this post is ‘chancers’. That’s because the last lot of roofers fixed my roof cost me a fortune two years ago.

Another sin committed today was greed. I bought a couple of new CDs from CD-Wow and they were:

Once Again is John Legend’s second album. His first was really good so hopefully his form continues in this latest opus. The critics invariably seem to describe Joanna Newsom as uncatagorisable but, since they have to fill their column inches, they try anyway. Her voice is supposed to be enchanting and the music otherworldy. Or maybe it’s the other way around? Anyway, hope it’s more Brigid Boden than Enya.

I’m not a big fan of ‘rock’ rock music so I’ve never had reason to buy a Queen album (I just borrowed them from a friend). But €18 for a 3CD best of platinum collection is a bargain and therefore unresistable. Tom Waits’ CD was a bit pricey at €32 but again it’s a 3CD ‘best of‘ collection and he’s maybe the prescription for those melancholy Irish wintery evenings that are sure to descend on us soon.

This is a photo of the Matt Talbot statute I took early in the morning when the sunlight was weak. ‘The Venerable Matt Talbot (d. 1925) (wiki) was ‘an Irish Ascetic who is revered by many Catholics for his piety, charity and Mortification of the flesh‘.

He was an unskilled labourer who lived alone and his life would have gone unnoticed were it not for the cords and chains discovered on his body when he died suddenly on a Dublin street in 1925. He spent his life living a life of quiet prayer and poverty. He gave away most of his wages to those who were just as poor as he was.

It is perhaps unfortunate then, that behind the statue, is the International Financial Services Centre where billions of Euro are traded daily. Worse, he is facing a (now closed) arts centre that was also a nerve centre during the HIV crisis in that it dispensed advice and needles to HIV-positive people and drug addicts during the ’80′s.

Having said that, the bridge (out of picture) is named after him.

I don’t know if schadenfreude is the right word but, if they’d put the statue on the other side of the bridge, he would have been facing the Ulster Bank’s HQ and the historic Customs House would have been behind him.

Here’s a photo of the Customs House I took at the same time…

I mentioned a couple of days ago that I was beginning the process of sacking someone. I had a ‘proper’ meeting with my H.R. contact today to get ‘educated’ about the finer points of dismissing someone. I’m not a complete b**tard (honest!) but it’s a bit frustrating to discover that you can’t just fire someone on the spot these days. I’ve put up with a ‘death by a thousand cuts’ scenario over the past few months by this particular employee and I’ve finally said enough’s enough. But…I haven’t documented all of these incidents properly so I have to start all over again at the beginning.

And, to add insult to injury, I have to put everyone through the same review procedure, in the interest of fairness, so that I can ‘performance manage’ this particular individual out of the business without prejudice. I should have learned my lesson the last time this happened. About 18 months ago, another individual was slipping and things were coming to a head. Luckily, that individual came to his senses and today he’s one of our best team members and a real asset to the company. He’s been promoted since to a position of responsibility and is looking forward to bonuses etc. He’ll probably be headhunted soon to a rival. We lost another three important people last week to rivals – sometimes being too successful has it’s own dangers. Or we don’t pay enough!!

I’ll try and keep this updated because most posts on the web talk about it from the employee’s view and you don’t hear much about it from the other side of the fence. The tag will be dismissal. Because of personal and company privacy issues, I’m not sure how much I will be able to write. Moreover, he is also a real person with his own rights.

Why karma?
Well, it’s been raining all day (dark thoughts, dark clouds), I think I’m getting bronchitis, all I had for lunch was a cheese sandwich, my atm card appears to be broken, and due to complete laziness on my part, all I have to look forward to this bank holiday weekend is ironing and more ironing. My ISP (internet access) is acting up so I can’t play music while I’m on the internet (don’t ask – long story).

I need a holiday. Sigh!