I sock
Posted on September 20, 2007
Filed Under Rant, funny, health, men | 3 Comments
Speaking of socks (ed – wtf?!), are you the sort of man who buys mainly plain black socks or mostly patterned socks? In my alpha male days*, I used to buy mostly plain coloured socks so I could save time in orgainsing my sock drawer. Hey, there was only one colour to organise! The only problem with this approach was that one black sock would wear quicker than the other one. So MORE time was lost matching one worn black sock with another suitably worn black sock.
The next approach in my time management saga was to buy patterned socks. It was elegant yet simple. Pairs of socks could be matched even in low light. Hell, I could even match them without my glasses. The major flaw with this approach was that if you lost one of the matching pair, you’d spend ages looking for the other one. So that didn’t work either.
Of course, all this is irrelevant if your girlfriend/wife buys your underwear. I’m single so I don’t have the luxury of a personal assistant 
*Alpha male: When people think of an alpha male, they usually think of a Gordon Gekko type who excels and wins at everything. An alpha male to me is entirely different. To me, I’m an alpha male: a protean facsimile of a male who is not fully formed nor fully functioning when I get up early in the morning.
My hair is spikey and pointing in entirely the wrong direction. Out of the side of my mouth, the drool sparkles in the harsh light of the bedroom lightbulb. My eyes can’t focus because of the ‘sleep’ in the corners of my eyes. Some mornings, I scratch my belly. Other days, I scratch my backside. Every morning, words and thoughts are hard to form.
And that’s why I need easily-paired socks.
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Next do black socks with coloured heels and toes so if you are inclined to match them up, you can and if you can’t match them up, no-one will see.
And you can tell yourself, you are a man who likes colour in his socks….
E.
As Frankie Howerd might say, “Oooh, no missus”.
Divorces can happen over socks, especially among internetters, I’m told…(!)
One of the luxuries of summer is that we can do without them.
Why, do men secretly harbor this desire that we are subconsciously preoccupied with their socks, and cannot wait to organize them?