Advertising whore
Posted on March 29, 2007
Filed Under Advertising, chancers, customer service, design, money, newspapers, Rant, review, Shout Out | Comments Off
“How much for a centimetre? And are there any deals?”
I knew there was no turning back when those words came out of my mouth.
‘That depends‘, she replied, ‘the more you spend, the higher up I can get you‘.
I have set up my own company and have been trying to get everything organised for next week’s grand opening, i.e., an ad on the back page of the Irish Times! Ads on the back page of the Irish Times are priced according to how many centimetres of space they take up. I was quite confused about this and wondered why they couldn’t charge it per word or per sentence?
Maybe it’s to avoid that old joke about the farmer who phones his local newspaper to place an ad announcing his wife’s death. He’s told it’s €100 for 10 words so he dictates, ‘Mary’s dead. Funeral Saturday. No Flowers‘. The ad lady says he’s got 4 words left so did he want to add anything extra? ‘Ok‘, he says,’Put in ‘nice car for sale‘.’
Anyway, it cost me €250 for one day for about 4 short sentences and I hope it works. I wish I could pretend to be posh like those medical doctors and lawyers announcing on the back page that they’ve relocated to new premises etc. To be honest, it’s simply that their readers are in the demographics I’m targeting.
Dealing with all the advertising types has been a bit draining. Ironically, the cheaper parts of the advertising have been the least painful.
Any of you who’ve dealt with the Golden Pages (Yellow Pages) will know what a pain they are to deal with. I met with their sales rep a couple of weeks ago and I brought a picture with me of what I wanted. A PICTURE. Looking at the picture, he didn’t forsee any problems and gave me his ‘best rate‘. Funny how they never show you the rate card, isn’t it! I didn’t want to pay him upfront because (a) I used to work there and knew that clients ‘occasionally’ accused the sales team of lying and misrepresenting them and (b) I wanted to see the proofs and evaluate what I was paying for. Cue a sharp intake of breath and a rueful look as he told me that I, as a new customer, had to pay upfront. Also, I wouldn’t get to see the proofs so there was no need to worry!
What could I do but pay him? Golden Pages have about 95% market share while their only competitor has the remaining 5%. Sigh.
A couple of days later, they did send me the proofs and they were wrong. A honest mistake, I thought to myself. So I faxed back the corrections with ‘THE PICTURE’ that I’d shown to the rep earlier the previous week. After another delay, the rep phoned me to tell me that I couldn’t have what I wanted. I had a short discussion with him where I ranted and he listened. Eventually, I ran out of breath and hung up on him. Considering how much it cost me, I better get some business out of it or I’ll be calling out the voodoo dolls on him.
Things got a bit surreal when, shortly after my initial deal with Golden Pages, I got a call from Eircom business listings on my mobile (cell phone). He explained (sorta) who he was. I was stuck in traffic so I played along even though I knew he would eventually try to sell me some advertising. He asked for the usual – name, address etc…
‘I gave all this to the Golden Pages guy; why don’t you get it from him?’.
‘That information is confidential, sir, I have no access to it’.
‘How did you get my mobile number then?’
‘Err, ahh, err, well even though I work for Eircom, I also work for Golden Pages. It’s very complicated’.
‘Hmmm, ok’.
Then he asked what sort of business was I?
‘Widgets’.
‘Yes, but what sort of widgets? Who’s your market – industrial, commercial, domestic, etc?’
‘Anyone who’ll give me money for them’.
‘Err, ok’.
THEN, he finally got around to selling me advertising. I said I wasn’t interested as I’d already booked an ad in the Golden Pages. He tried to argue that people looking for a Widget-Maker, for example, would look up ‘L’ in the phone book and find me, Liam, the Widget-maker, there?? Then, it was ‘How would people find me a second time‘?
Err, in each instance, they’d go to the Widget-maker section in the Golden Pages and find me there.
He was a game fellow, though, and his final argument was, ‘didn’t I want to be in the phone book?‘ I said, ‘I will be as I get a free listing anyway‘. He knew he’d lost, so he wished me luck and hung up. I hope he meant it!
The cheapest, easiest and most pleasant part of the advertising lark was the logo design and production of business cards. I used Reads of Nassau St. The shop itself is a bit chaotic and overrun as the ‘general public’ use it for photocopying etc. The main problem is there’s 3 or 4 entrances and no central reception. It’s one of those places where you grap a staff member as they pass and don’t let go of them until you’re sorted.
Eventually, Mark, a graphic designer, came to the rescue. It was a very pleasant hour as we swopped ideas and so on. I think Mark is going freelance soon so if you need any type of graphic artwork done, get there fast and tap into his brain. I was in and out with my business cards in about 90mins. That’s good going for two mildly hung-over guys on a Saturday morning.
