Funny epitaphs

Posted on September 4, 2006
Filed Under characters, death, family, funny, funny ha ha, history, interweb, legal, odd, Outside Ireland, poetry, radio | 6 Comments

I was up in Northern Ireland this weekend and it’s grim up North. Please excuse me while I use another cliche but nice place, shame about the people. I simply can’t understand why they insist in driving at 50mph in 60mph zones. Nobody overtakes, nobody gives way, and the end result is massive lines of traffic going nowhere very slowly. And because the tax regime is different, there only appears to be two types of cars – Grannies in Micras and everyone else in Beemers/Mercs/fast Passats. And everybody’s travelling at a snail’s pace. Of course, it may be the sensible thing to do when the police force carry guns!

One good thing about visiting the North is that I get to listen to BBC’s Radio 4. It’s a weird radio station that obviously does not have to pay attention to what the paying public like. I visit the North a lot on business and usually start to head back to Dublin about 3pm-ish. Each day between 4 and 5 p.m., they have these odd little programs that are so ‘insider’ (can’t think of a better word), it makes compelling listening. There’s one about the law, where lawyers talk to other lawyers. There’s another about the media, where, err, media types talk to other media types. There’s another one about science, where…well, you get the picture. To my mind, it’s a bit like watching cookery programs on TV while eating a pizza. The law, media and science etc do impact our lives, and it would be good if the general public knew more about them, but, like pizza, we take the easy fix.

Anyways, I got to listen to Just a Minute today. There are four panelists, usually comedians, and Nicolas Parsons is the chairman. In front of an audience, the panelists have to talk about a subject, without repetition, hesitation or deviation, for just a minute. Today’s panelists were Paul Merton, Clement Freud, Pauline McLynn and Owen O’Neill. Owen O’Neill is from Cookstown, Co Tyrone, so it’s ironic (or maybe fitting) that he came ‘a strong fourth‘ on the day I’m narky about Northern Iron. The show was so funny. Paul Merton and Pauline McLynn really sparked off each other and created some great comedy.

The funniest section for me was when they started talking about epitaphs. Clement Freud started it. In his laconic drawl, he simply said, ‘Best before‘. It took everyone by surprise and there was, not a minute’s silence, but a momentary silence. Paul Merton almost instantly replied with, ‘Beneath this sod, lies another one‘.

And that reminded me of that other famous epitaph that Spike Milligan (wiki) wanted on his headstone, ‘Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite‘ (trans. I told you I was ill).

And I wondered if there were any other funny or humourous epitaphs out there? Google send you a solicitor’s letter if you ‘google’ so, after searching the internet using the search engine Google, I found these epitaphs. I can’t honestly say if they’re true but they are interesting. Epitaphs, traditionally, were a way for the deceased to state who they were, what they’d achieved and other bon mots they wanted to share for posterity. Nowadays, it generally a Psalm or something trite and throwaway. Maybe it’s something that we should think rescuing and reviving?

What message would you leave for posterity? I quite like Paul Merton’s suggestion:

Beneath this sod,
lies another one

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