Today in la-la-land, aug23

Posted on August 23, 2006
Filed Under Politics, bureaucracy, chancers, la-la-land, odd, society, stupidity | 1 Comment

Invest in Cocoa beans, advises Minister:
The media reported today that the price of houses continues to increase in Ireland. Some minister commented that property speculators (whatever that means) should take their money and invest it in oil or cocoa beans or whatever option has options and futures. And leave houses to people who want to live in them*. What!! Whatever about the fact that 12% of Irish employment is involved in the Construction industry, when did Ireland stop being a free country where people could spend/invest/gamble their money in whatever way they wanted. Maybe the government will build the houses instead? Which would you choose – the old Ballymun/Sheriff St/Tallaght or the new privately built houses in those areas?

I think it was Dermot Ahearn talking but I’m not sure. Whenever polictians talk, it’s just white noise to me and I get a headache. It’s no wonder policitians need minders and advisers – I just wish they’d go the extra mile and buy gags for their mouths. Proabably explains why they need to be driven around as well – they’d get lost otherwise. If only.

So, we have one Minister praising our boomer economy and another telling them to feck off.

* I can’t find a verbatim quote of what he said but I swear it was something like that.

Listen to ‘talking seatbelt’, advises another Minister:
A new Government campaign will encourage children to wear seatbelts while they are travelling on the school bus. The accompanying video will feature a talking seatbelt. A turkey (Dustin, a puppet) will provide the talking seatbelt’s voice. Children will be shown the video on a regular basis. And once the psychosis kicks in, they can get treatment in our excellent Health Service.

‘Entirely inhuman’, says school Principal:
A schoolgirl in Cork choose Law in UCC as her 4th most preferred option on her CAO form (universal college application form). She subsequently changed her mind and applied to study Accountancy in the same University. Due to a CAO computer glitch, she was offered Law instead of Accountancy. According to today’s Irish Times, her Principal described her treatment as ‘entirely inhuman‘. Excuse me, but World War II was entirely inhuman. A cock-up by a Semi-state (?) is not inhuman treatment. Perhaps it’s just as well she’s not studying Law if that’s the sort of academic environment she was coming from.

Press 0 for the bleedin’ obvious:
I had to ring the telephone operator today. There’s two main numbers – 10 for an operator and 11811 for telephone directories. When I rang 10, an automated voice asked me to press 0 if I wanted an operator or an operator-related service. It continued, ‘if you want 11811, hang up and dial 11811‘. Now, c’mon, how many people try to dial a two-digit number (10) and accidentally dial a five-digit number? What staggering inefficiency!

You’re sick:
A co-worker’s car was clamped in Macdonald’s carpark while she was having an afternoon coffee inside. The clampers belonged to the hospital on the opposite side of the road. Apparently, she’d visited the hospital ‘once too often’. It’s one way of reducing the waiting lists, I suppose. Just to be clear, she’d never visited the hospital. The clampers relented after the Gardai became involved. I forgot to ask her if they admitted they’d made a mistake. But, as you and I know, little people with uniforms don’t make mistakes!

Hi, I’m your customer service agent:
A friend is having difficulty with his TV reception from NTL in Dublin. AFter 40 minutes on hold, he hung up and rang their HQ to complain. A ‘very nice lady’ apologised and promised to ring him back. Two days later, a ‘customer service agent’ rang him at work to continue the discussion…

‘What’s your account number?’, she asked.

‘I don’t know because I’m in work’, came the reply.

‘I can’t help you if you don’t tell me your account number’.

‘I don’t have my account number. I didn’t know you were going to phone me. How did you get my work number? You must know my account number if you called me.’

‘OK, I’ve found you now. What’s the problem?’.

‘I gave the info to your colleague two days ago. She gave you the message. You phoned me and now you want to know what the problem is?’

The customer service agent hung up.

The service (TV reception etc) is still crap. Maybe he should probably ring directory inquiries to get SKY TV’s phone number?

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